autobiography

Lindsay Cooke
Prof. Sharon Marshall
English 1000C
Autobiographical Essay
When I was born it was a surprise. I was born in July but the due date was October. I was nearly four months early and everything was a huge emergency. My mother went into labor at work and my father showed up to the hospital in his boots, sweat socks, jeans with caulk and compound everywhere, and a wife beater tank top. While in labor my mother, carol, developed a fever and since my birth was so high risk they didn’t want to risk any chances and immediately rushed her to C-section. My mom was put to sleep and considering the emergency my father, Pernell, was not allowed to be present during the C-section. To this day I get mad that no one but the doctor saw me when I was first born. No one heard my little first cry if any; no one counted my toes and fingers or even kissed my forehead before they whisked me off to the intensive care unit. Born at 1:20 in the morning on July 4, 1991, I have arrived! My parents got to see me briefly, a couple hours later but due to my size of 1 pound and 13 ounces, they could only spend a short amount of time with me. My parents didn’t name me until about four weeks later. My mother still complains to this day that the nurses would bother her and complain everyday that I didn’t have a name yet. Lindsay picked out from the movie, The Abyss. Breanna, based off my dad’s middle name Breon. I spent almost four months in the hospital, in an incubator; my mom visited me every day and stayed as long as she could. She cried almost every night after leaving me. My dad assumed she was going crazy after months had passed of non stop crying. I was supposed to be retarded, disabled, and paralyzed. My mom checked for everything as I was growing up. When I was one she noticed that my two ring fingers were crooked and the doctor said it was a sign of polio. Back than testing took longer than now and my mom cried for at least a month holding my fingers and praying that I didn’t have polio until the results came back.
Today I am as healthy as can be. Growing up I was the child that defeated all the odds, I didn’t die when all odds were against me, I was smarter than average kids my age and I didn’t get hurt when I should have. There were times when I fell off the monkey bars at school and didn’t even get a scratch. I was a daredevil and a very curious child. I never thought twice about my consequences or what would happen if I did this. I was the outgoing little girl with beautiful features and never ending compliments. I never had to worry about anything. I got what I wanted and it was always my way or the high way ever since I could babble. I was spoiled by all especially my grandparents. The number one person who spoiled me the most was my dad. To this day I can call him and get what I want. My mom tries to claim he’s the only one who spoils me but she’s guilty of it too. One day I asked my mom why I’m so spoiled and she says it’s because I could have died when I was younger and so they cherish my life and show it through never ending love and gifts.
My family and I were always the family to beat. My dad and I are the closest any family members can be. I am the epitome of a daddy’s girl; no one can top my status. I still call him daddy; we have our own language that if anyone else heard us they would just think we were crazy. We don’t say ‘I love you’ we say ‘I love’ and whoever answers says ‘tooooo much’ and hold the too as long as you can. I say bleebing instead of bleeding to him, we can both understand what we say when we are yawning or laughing so much no words are coming out. Not only do I love him for the things he gives me but I love him for everything he is. I love him unconditionally and spend any chance I get with him. I am my father’s twin. Everywhere we go people are shocked and gasp at how much we look alike. It’s pretty sick all the features I have from him. It seems like the only thing my mom gave me was my nice hair. We are not only alike looks wise but we have the same personality. We both have tempers, mine a little shorter than his, no patience, and we think exactly the same. Our fights are the worst fights ever because we are so much the same but in the end we make up quicker and forget about what happened. My father and I are extremely nosey constantly in people’s conversations and never miss a beat about our surroundings. I can honestly say I love my dad more than my mom. She has always told me that my dad was a better father than husband.
I love my mom too and love her unconditionally also. Between the ages of birth to about six years of age I was a mommy’s girl. My mom will never forget. She always says ‘I used to love her’ and that one day a switch went off in me and I suddenly liked my dad more. When I was younger and took dance classes and gymnastics lessons I would not let my mom leave. She says I would be doing the dance steps but constantly checked behind me to see if she was still there. From day one my mother raised me as a girly girl. She painted my nails, I cried anytime she tried to make me wear pants because according to me ‘they were boy’s clothes!’ My room was pink and everything I owned was pink. She made sure I embraced my girl side and never let it go. I was a much pampered child.
Family is the absolutely most important thing to me in my life. I’ve always dreamed of the close and loving extended family and I tried my best to make it happen. I always wanted to hang out with my grandparents and even spent the whole summer if I could at their house. Before my grandparents died my dad’s side of the family was extremely close, we did EVERY holiday together and we had them down to a science. We knew who would bring what, what everyone wanted for their birthday and every present wrapped and tagged before Christmas. Every Christmas eve was spent at my mom mom’s house and we exchanged presents and then Christmas afternoon was spent at my aunt’s house on my mom’s side for Christmas brunch and exchanging presents. I used to leave each house with bags of presents and a big smile on my face. Christmas besides my birthday was my favorite holiday. Now my birthday was the biggest celebration of the year! We brought both sides together under one roof and everyone knew it was the biggest party of the year. No one ever forgot my birthday because not only was it a holiday but it was the best party, at least I like to believe that in my mind. I loved having the whole family together to celebrate me of course! I loved my birthday barbeque the only thing I didn’t like about having my birthday on the fourth of July was that most of my friends went away for that holiday, except for the neighborhood kids. I always wished I could have a party inside a play house or something fun like my brother, cousins and other friends but they would be closed during my birthday or closed early. When I was younger before I actually realized my birthday was a holiday my parents, especially my dad, would tell me that all the fireworks were for me. Of course I felt so special and number one!
After my grandparents died family get togethers started to get less and less on my dad’s side and after my aunt moved to North Carolina family get togethers started to die as well. Also, after my parents’ divorce my collaboration birthday parties have ceased and desist. A year after their separation my mom threw me a party at my grand mom’s house and I was in the worst mood ever. I had no leftovers at my own house, no one came for my birthday they came more for the food & barbeque, and I barely got any gifts, only about forty-five dollars. I was so mad at my mom for the party, I was so mad at my parents, I was so mad at myself, and most of all I was mad at my family. Slowly but surely my family was falling apart it seemed. I can remember making jokes to friends at school and people around me to hide my pain, to hide the tears at night and more importantly cover up my failure in family. I can honestly say high school was close to the worst years of my life. I seen my mom at least once every two months, I lived in 2 different houses with my dad and I also had to balance switching schools. It was not something any fourteen year old would dream of high school. Not only was I the new girl at school but I was alone. I had no family to lean on because through those years we just kept getting farther and farther apart and I had no mom to lean on. I completely lost her, I did everything for her to come down and see me but every time she would come down I couldn’t help but let my emotions show and fight her about everything. I just couldn’t understand how the one person in my life whom I loved would just up and leave me.
Around tenth grade or so, a couple years after my parents separated my dad told me some news that completely and utterly changed my views on him, my mom and my family. I can remember this day so vividly it’s ridiculous. He took me out to eat at one of our regular diners we go to every Sunday. After a while of eating and chatting he looked at me and said there’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. He continued to explain that my mom wanted to tell me together but he can no longer wait. Long story short my father broke the new s that I had a younger sister. At first thought I was excited because I always wanted a little sister, so I can teach her everything I know and no longer be the only one tormented by my brother. Then later it started to sink in that this child was only half of me, she was not created by my mother and father but by my father and some other lady. She was only my half sister. Several different questions popped in my head at that moment. Why would my dad do that, when did he do it, will I ever be able to meet her and the vital question of all, can we ever have a sister relationship? I think the thing that hurt me the most was the fact that I have a sister out there and just found out about her now! She was already twelve and grew up completely different from me, she unlike me, did not have that complete family and was also raised by her grandma. She didn’t get a chance to go to the best private schools, Disney world or even experience the family I had. From then on I wanted her in my life. I had to meet her and start trying to build that sister bond. It was my destiny and always my wish to have a little sister and now that I have one I needed to embrace her no matter the circumstances. Then it didn’t matter how much I wanted to meet her and be with her every second because my mom and dad, mainly my dad seemed a little uncomfortable with me meeting her. Regardless of our backgrounds and family environment I loved her and wanted to get to know her and form that bond as soon as possible.
By the time eleventh grade rolled around I was ready to leave. I had more acquaintances then friends at school, I involved all of my free time into sneaking my boyfriend of three years into my house and getting in trouble. It was the worst. I only had a year to turn my life around but I didn’t know how to. I was living for everyone else except Lindsay. I lost my goals, my morals and most of all myself. Around this time my main goal turned into college, anywhere away from Philadelphia, was where my heart was set. I started completing my work, attending classes and making friends! Things were turning around, finally. My dad started being proud of me again, I was turning into old Lindsay and the most important thing was my mom came back! I started seeing her every weekend and my cousin and I became very close. I was dropping my boyfriend and picking up my life again. I was young, involved and energetic. I couldn’t believe the transformation and everything just kept getting better from there.
That summer I counseled at a summer camp for smart kids in underprivileged areas and it was where I met my best friend, Dana. We hit it off from the beginning! We had the exact personalities, family life and everything. She grew up similar to me, her parents also divorced before ninth grade, and she loved everything I did. We were inseparable since then. It was funny that out of all people I became friends with her because we have been in the same homeroom since tenth grade. Every day that summer I walked to her house after work and when I got my car we went everywhere, we called them ‘bestie adventures’ but half the time we were lost and trying to find some place we’ve never been to before. We were complete corn balls, we even matched the first day of senior year, by accident if anyone asked us but we really went back to school shopping that Monday before school. She was with me when I and my current boyfriend Allen met. She was my third wheel; she accompanied me and also made t-shirts, signs, hoodies and cheers at his football games. She made me a better girlfriend because I know without her I would have never done any of those things by myself. She’s been with me through everything, applying to college, prom, I and Allen’s problems, and she helped me escape my family when I needed to. She was there for me when no one else was, she listened and I listened. I was there for her through the guys who hurt her and there for her when she and her boyfriend, Fatin met. I was the one who talked her into considering him and giving him a chance. I was also there when he dumped her for the first time. I was at her house for more than twenty four hours; I rubbed her back, gave her needed advice and even went to the neighbor’s house when she screamed for her mom. Even though we go to different colleges our friendship has never died. We still call each other when we have problems, we Skype and also Facebook constantly. Although she chose to stay in Pennsylvania and I came to New York, every time I come home I see her. We have our classic sleep over and I drive all the way to her college. Different things this year have definitely hindered and threatened our friendship. From our boyfriends fighting and each of us standing by their side and completely ignoring our relationship for our men to me unable to see her and her taking it personal. We moved past it and realized our friendship is way more important then petty fights as those. I can honestly say my and Dana’s friendship is a lifetime thing, I now look at her as a sister and I have never had a friend who has been so supportive and just there for me as she has been. We each hold a special place in each other’s heart.
This essay has helped me realize why I am the Lindsay I am today. Each and everything mentioned in this assignment is me in the form of other people. These seven pages define me, I am family orientated, very loving and through all I can make through anything. I am strong, confident on my good days and I am me. I am no longer trying to fit in, rebel or be something that is not the way my parents raise me. I love everyone and have learned to let go of any grudge or anything I have held on to. I am moving forward away from my past. I know it has made me who I am but it is not who I am now. I can say happily now I love my life, I love who I am and can always improve. I love my family although we are not as big as we used to be, I still love them unconditionally. I can’t see myself being any other way. Each and every obstacle I have overcome has made me who I am and my time at St. Johns. I am turning into that adult my parents can be proud of; a strong independent woman is starting to emerge. Although I always and will forever rely on my parents for support and advice, that is what they are here for. I am Lindsay, I am me and I love every second good or bad.